Don't blame the anvil - Part 2 (my psychosis)
Now, let’s discuss my psychosis.
I’m kind of a perfectionist. My vision for how a project should turn out seems to always be inhibited by my physical ability to bring said project into reality. Paradoxically, that challenge of forcing something into existence through suffering and hard work is what draws me to editing. I love the act of taking fragments of nothing, and molding them into something, into a story. Creating something that can transcend just the sum of its raw parts. I enjoy the challenge, and I know that as I create, I too am being changed, forged. Just like I’m shaping the raw material, the process is also shaping me. This is the central theme at play within our film Newly Forged. “Everything gets shaped, one way or another.” And I truly believe that.
I resonated with something I heard Jack White say once about his music, "I keep guitars that are, you know, the neck's a little bit bent and it's a little bit out of tune," he says. "I want to work and battle it and conquer it and make it express whatever attitude I have at that moment. I want it to be a struggle." That’s how I feel with many of my own projects, and why I can simultaneously love and hate Newly Forged. I think my default setting as a human is: look for the easy way. But, then for some reason I always end up right in the middle of something I feel way under qualified to be doing. The only options are to overcome or be conquered.
With Newly Forged, I feel like I could never quite force the story to be as clear as I wanted it to be, on the screen. However, I took what I learned and then wrote Picket Fence, which is, I think, a much cleaner story. It’s still not a perfect film, but it shows a move in the right direction. Katelyn Outhous did a wonderful job in bringing that story to life, and we have been getting some great feedback. But, Picket Fence would have never happened without Newly Forged.
So, technical flaws aside, I do love the core themes and story in Newly Forged. (and I LOVED making it) In the film there is this exploration around the idea of doing hard things… a greater meaning to our daily hardships. I’m keenly aware of difficulties and pain that have shaped me personally, and brought me to where I am now in my life. I see the obstacles that are still in my way as I keep moving down a road less traveled. Life is pain. But, is there a greater purpose at play? I believe there is…
That purpose is….. Story.